Selfish with my time

So summer is here (and has been for a few weeks), which means I have more time for myself. At first, this is tough for me, as I am used to being pretty scheduled during the semester and the shock of freedom from this is off-setting for me. Though, after a couple weeks, I ease into a good rhythm of getting together with friends, reading, sleeping, wondering what exciting things I will do with my day.

So, now, I feel like I'm becoming somewhat selfish with my time - my "what exciting thing can I do with my day" time - the time I get to just sit, think, wonder, do, relax, reflect, laugh with friends, eat with family, read, wonder, sleep. So... then comes a request from my dad to help him out and I feel myself responding with "what? but what about my time? my precious time to...well...do nothing? I have a hard time making that switch back to giving time to others when I have to resort to spending so much time by myself, relying on myself to make decisions about what I will do with my time. I feel stuck and easily irritated and realizing that I'm not really being me - some irritated, crabby, selfish side of me is coming out. Do you know what I mean? If so, do you know why this happens? What do you do to get out of this bad spot?

On another note, I am leaving for camp Tuesday bright and early and am excited:) I have to get some stuff done beforehand, though (something which I am not used to having to do right before camp), and am finding myself wondering if it will all get done...? Does it all have to get done? Can I just "wing" some of the specifics of my teaching when I get back from camp? I have the first week planned out pretty well and have to finish putting together the handouts, but otherwise, I think I'm good for week 1. Week 2 - I have some open spots that need to be structured a little, but I will have some time during week 1 to work on that, right? and the weekend in between? I just hope I won't be kicking myself wondering why I didn't do a better job of getting everything done before camp...

The reason I am going on about this is that I am realizing that I need to take some intentional time with God these next couple days. Camp is amazing and awesome, but it is draining and I need to make sure my roots are in the right spot and digging deep before I try to love the campers and my fellow leaders well. So, do I make sure my curriculum is all done or do I make sure to prepare myself enough? Both? I suppose neither will be perfect, so I can only keep on keeping on towards Jesus and doing my best each day. I'm praying these days don't become just time to "get things done."

On a lighter note - I hung out with some old and new friends tonight and played Apples to Apples - it was fun, but I have a hard time feeling the need to play hostess and making sure everyone is having a great time... I think I always assume if someone isn't smiling the whole time it means they are having the worst time ever... I put too much pressure on myself... Sigh... Well, I think it was fun, and I'm going to get off my case now...

Thanks for reading:)